Normally I would put together my Adventures blog at this time of the month which looks back at the month previous and what I got up to. The ironic thing is that I did a lot during this past month, and there would have been a lot to cover but something happened on the 27th November which really shook my world and is all I can think about right now. My beautiful, sweet Nan (or Nana as I used to call her as a kid) passed away.
In recent years, my nan was not a well lady and had been in and out of hospital on many occasions. Despite this, I always thought of my Nan as a fighter and even though she was in and out of hospital, she always seemed (in my eyes) to bounce back and would always be full of character. I always used to make her smile, which at the time I didn’t think much of but now it fills me with great joy that I was able to make her laugh and smile, even during some of the lowest points in her life when she was ill. The featured image of this blog was a photo I took of her when she had just come out of hospital after being in there for nearly 3 months, I love her smile in it.
The 27th November started as any day normally would really, she had been really ill over the weekend and things weren’t looking great but still, in my own little bubble, I thought that would be something she would “bounce back” from. Sadly, this wasn’t to be. I was sitting with her for a bit in the late morning that day when all of a sudden she took her last breath. Looking back on that now I was glad to be with her at this moment if I am honest.
So I am at the point now where I am writing this whilst waiting for the funeral to happen, that horrible limbo point in time. I have to be strong and I will be strong eventually but there are times of overwhelming sadness which seems to come for me when I least expect it. For instance, just yesterday I was in ASDA (of all places) when they started playing Blondie’s “Maria”, an upbeat pop song of course, but it was one of my Nan’s favourite songs and it brought back the memory of us both walking over to that very ASDA in like 1999 to buy two copies of the “Maria” CD single, one for me and one for her. Honestly, people must have thought I was a right weirdo walking down the bakery section with tears in my eyes but it just happened out of nowhere.
My Nan was like a mum to me for most of my adult life, in fact all of my adult life. I moved in with my Nan in my early teens after my parents separated and divorced, and despite moving away for a bit of time I came back. This has probably been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life and I know I have to be strong for her, she wouldn’t want me to be sad about it I know that.
Anyway, I didn’t want this blog to be depressing. I want it to be a joyous celebration of my Nan and her 83 years of life in this world. She was one of the loveliest, sweetest people you would ever meet and I don’t think I have ever seen her angry or in a bad mood at all. Regardless of anything, she would have your back and if you were upset she would take your hand and say “it’s ok, love” and she was always so re-assuring about everything. Honestly, if love was in the shape of a person, my Nan would be it. She had so much love in her and I really wish I will do her proud up wherever she is right now.
It’s not “Maria” by Blondie but I wanted to play out with one of her favourite songs, a song she would probably never knew existed if it wasn’t for me forcing her to watch Eurovision clips on repeat. My Nan loved her music, which is great as of course, I do as well and there are so many songs out there that will remind me of her. This is “Calm After The Storm” by The Common Linnets, and honestly, not even making this up, she was ill shortly after this song came out, but whenever I played this song, no matter how ill she was at the time, she would always say “I love this song”. So here it is Nan, just for you. Love you, Dan xx.